Real Friends

A quick and honest summary of my experience regarding real friendships and the path to self-discovery.

The type of connection that can go without contact for however-long without spite or jealousy.. the type of connection that goes unexplained and magnetic and strong enough to stand the test of time and turbulence that is life.

They are the safety and the stability that we seek - the reliability, the integrity and the courage that we yearn for in ourselves and the honesty that we yearn for in all things.

They are the friendships in which we practice bravery and courage - in which we are real with ourselves and others.. and the sort of deep, real and raw connection that I believe we seek with all of our relationships.

Real friends are a product of who you are.
Of who you have chosen to be.
Of who you have chosen to be surrounded by.

Being consistently real with yourself is terrifying and elating at best and dull and monotonous at worst.

Being real with yourself goes deeper than dealing with the exciting and disorienting twists and turns that life throws at you unrelentingly - being real with yourself also means looking at the problems that sit under the surface of “you” - the problems that aren’t obvious; the problems that aren’t always apparent; the problems that aren’t exciting or “important”.

But how do you define what is problematic and what is not?

How do you decide what you identify with and what you do not?

How do you decide whether the values; aspirations; desires; feelings; thoughts and actions that you have and commit are conducive to who you are and want to be?

or, in its practical and human application..
“the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles”

The practice of Integrity requires self-awareness at the extreme — but this isn’t the sort of extreme that is so overwhelming and complex that I don’t know where to start.
I was lucky to be gifted with the principles of and training in kenpo karate (thanks dad!) under the guidance of many instructors but at heart, I consider Richard DeSouza and Frank Monea to be the most influential parts of this journey.

They are very different teachers and I value different things in either of them — Richard is grounded, patient, refined, ordered and consistent — Frank is these things as well but he has a much wilder, passionate element to him that shines through those qualities.

What I learnt from these men and the other instructors (both men and women) is invaluable and cannot be explained in summary — it has shaped me; made me who I am today and it is the deepest, most consistent experience I have had with the spiritual practice of personal power and the practical application of awareness, discipline and respect.

The path to integrity is complex and deeply personal — everyone is radically unique under the surface level of culture and psychological blindness that we all live in and experience — some principles I have found to be more valuable and applicable across the board though.. and I’d like to share a few of them that relate to integrity directly.

To summarize and to give you a handy, short-hand way of defining these terms to yourself:

This is the path to true self-expression and self-esteem.. or one of many.
This is - in my experience - the truest way of finding the self and by extension, finding the people that mean something to you.. to finding the people that are worth your time and respect and people that will give and show you the same.

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