Confessions of a technophobe

I am a self-confessed luddite. However, I like using social media in moderation for its convenience, speed and reach.

Generally, I refuse to join social media groups. But since I don’t want to be called rude or reclusive, I break that rule. Missing out on interesting chats in a few chosen groups, particularly one formed by my Civil Service batch mates, is not the done thing. But rarely do we have stimulating discussions on what ails public policy and administration or remedies for poverty and backwardness. Serious discussions may ruffle egos. So primarily, we use this group to exchange birthday wishes and stay connected.

The group makes my birthday extra special. I am elated to receive over 40 messages when I check my phone in the morning, and by night, the figure touches 100. But my happiness is short-lived as I am confronted with a difficult question: how do I thank everyone? My heart wants to acknowledge all who wished me, but I am lazy.

A friend suggested that we need software to help us write everyone’s name with ease, élan, speed and dexterity. Just click a button and all the names pop up. But can software really help us do this?

By then, everyone who wanted to wish me, would have done so. But a little later, I feel under pressure. If I write so late, wouldn’t my early-morning friends think that I am lazy, uncivilised or ungrateful?

In such a large and diverse group, I have forgotten some names. I haven’t met many of them since our training got over 29 years ago.

Several Mikes and Roberts are there in the group. How do I address each of them individually? Use the first name for one Mike and the last name for another? But I feel offended when an acquaintance addresses me by my last name.

Then, there is a chatterbox in the group, but I don’t know her name. I wish to call another batch mate to ask her name. But I know his frivolous suspicions. He may post openly on the group — hey, what’s the plan?

And my dear room mate in the academy’s hostel hasn’t wished me. Last year, I was the first to wish him. Two months ago, when an article of his was published in a national daily, I didn’t wish him. I wonder if he is upset. But I decided to err on the side of caution and included his name on the list. But again, I thought — acknowledging an article is different from wishing on a birthday. You would write 10 articles a year and expect me to wish you 10 times a year. However, you would wish me only once a year on my birthday. Not fair.

And that beautiful girl, she is a silent spectator. She won’t wish me ever. But she never wished anyone; I am no exception. That is my solace.

But there are many other known-anonymous fellows. They love to be in the game but don’t want to play it.

And that one. He was the first one who I met at the college. I was shy but he was full of warmth. I was hesitant but he shared all his personal details at the very first meeting. But he just wrote HBD. What does this abbreviation mean? Thank God, he wrote my full name after HBD. Maybe, he would have abbreviated my name too. He has changed. But let him change. I would include his name too on the thanks list.

And this lazy bum. He was nowhere till I laboured to make the list. But just after I posted it, he writes his best wishes on the group. He rather needs to be ignored for being lazy in wishing me. But, I am confused. Software won’t really solve my birthday problems.

(the writer, Tajender Singh Luthra, TJ tj@alumni@upenn.edu is a senior law enforcement officer and a practitioner of positive psychology)

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